Band names for bands that don’t exist and you’d never want to hear even if they did


The Onion today has a slight little piece on names for imaginary bands.  This has long been a source of much amusement to me – thinking up stupid names for bands I will never start.  Mind you, I’ve had plenty of bands and solo projects with plenty of different, retarded names.  So it’s quite a challenge for me to think up a band name so very, deliciously awful that even I won’t actually use it.

I keep a document on my PC full of these things.  I haven’t updated it lately, but it still makes me chuckle when I think of the very dumbest entries on it.  So in lieu of a real Friday blog – here’s the worst parts of my list.  Again I emphasize: none of these are real.  If you have a band in need of an awful name, help yourself.

Acapulco Apocalypso

Albert and the Admirable Admirals

(All You Can Eat for) Six Dollars

the Asshabitants

Attack on: Carrots

Bad Smell Factory

Beatrice Von Toad-Licke

Brung You a Chunk

Chipper Hippo and Also Here Comes a Woody  [note: trying too hard?]

Curiously Sticky

Danger Butt

the Edible Galoots

Fish Components Slowly Approaching

46 Ways to Skiffle (Jr.)

the Fragrant Ass Sweats


Fur, Crying Out Loud

Glenn Danzig’s Swingin’ Hepcats

Happy Pee Receptacle

Here Comes Daddy’s Thingy

Hinky Goings-on


Inflatable Vagrant

the Insaniacs  [note: sadly, I have to admit that I actually made this into a band and released two CDs under the name]

Juveniles Be-sequined

Kant’s Kategorikal Imperative… to Rock!

Koke Addikt   [note: apparently Ks are funny]

Lepers and Leprechauns

Love Bologna

Mr. Fecal Smudgley and his Forty-Eight Thousand, Five Hundred Thirty-Six Bacteria

Mr. Sticky and his Five Warm Fingers

Moist Sweater

Mutual Penis


Oh God, it Smells

Pasta 4 Dat Ass


Pinkeye McDingleberry and the Shingles

(Pocket) Guy

the Rabid Rabbit Splatters  [note: I thought this was funny at the time; now I actually kind of like it]

Spies in the House of Rock!

Staynd Jeanz

Stools a-Plenty

the Taints

the Third White Meat

Those About to Rock

Turban Refusal

Unpopular Pork

Wan and Bedeviled

Warm Wishes for Yogurt

Wienerpeople (Dance!)

Will You Deliver This Prophetic Pizza?

You’ll Pay Me a Dollar Fifty, Bill



7 Responses to Band names for bands that don’t exist and you’d never want to hear even if they did

  1. themcp says:

    I don’t know what I’m more impressed by… the fact that you made this list, or the fact that it appears to be alphabetized.

  2. You should also consider a third element, which is that this only represents somewhat less than half of the whole list. (I was on the fence about the hilarity of Pavlov’s Sandwich – eventually decided that it was non-hilarious.)

  3. Shae says:

    When I was younger I thought “Head Cleaner” would be a great name for a band. You know, because of that cassette tape that everyone had in their collection, which is but a mysterious artifact to kids today.

    Also, “Foxy Grapes” for an all female punk band.

    It seems like there is a third potential band name in my personal list, but I can’t remember it now.

  4. Shae says:

    Forgot to say… Head Cleaner was so perfect because it sounds a little like murder, a little like drugs, and a little like sex. Come on now.

  5. Shae says:

    Plus the pun.

  6. Shae says:

    And for those who don’t know, foxy grapes are grapes that are too bitter to make wine with.

    I’m proud of these two names, in case you can’t tell. I’ll shut up now.

  7. […] mentioned in a previous post that I had a habit of listing terrible band names that no one would want to use, just things that […]

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