Resurgence in sightings of mythical monsters

Diane,

We’re venturing a little outside of my usual territory here, but let’s just pretend it’s tangential to my love of monster movies and roll with it.

For whatever reason – alignment of the stars, a stray cosmic breeze, the stewardship of angels, global climate change, renewed influx of hard drugs from our South American suppliers – Americans are back to the business of witnessing and documenting the existence of creatures previously believed to not exist.  And when I say back to business, Diane, I mean it.  We are working HARD at this shit.

To wit: two men have found a Bigfoot corpse!  And stuffed it in a freezer, and taken a photo of it!  Naturally these men are ‘foot-hunting rednecks and known hoaxers.  But I am nevertheless convinced that this thing that looks like a Halloween costume is actually an ice-cold Bigfoot.  Because if we can’t believe these guys, who have nothing at all to gain from presenting a hoax-foot to the world (except of course media attention and maybe a book deal), who can we believe?

Well – maybe we can believe the policeman and Texas civilian/rancher who saw a chupacabra taking a run and killed a chupacabra for sucking chicken blood, respectively!  I am deeply interested in this Mexican legend sprung to life, and see no chance that either of these creatures might be a weird-looking dog or a coyote with mange.  DNA tests be damned!  And get away from my livestock, fuckers!

What does this mean for the future?  Well, all I can say for myself is that I’m pretty sure the following picture is real.

Hi ho, Silver!

Hi ho, Silver!

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One Response to Resurgence in sightings of mythical monsters

  1. Jen Fu says:

    MONTAUK MONSTER!!!

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