Help me, doc, I’ve got a bad case of sequelitis!

…or perhaps it’s my Total Crap Sensitivity Syndrome (TCSS) acting up again.  Whatever it is, it’s raging like a Californian wildfire at the news that:

~ “Donnie Darko” will get a sequel – not written or directed by original writer/director Richard Kelly, and not starring Jake Gyllenhaal (because of course, Donnie died at the end of the first movie.  oops, spoiler alert!).

~ “Point Break” will get a sequel – 17+ years later.  (“Gentlemen, I’d like the motto for our movie studio to be: ‘We strike while the iron is room temperature.  Because hey, have you ever struck hot iron?  It sparks!  It’s really dangerous!’  Whaddaya think?”)  Keanu Reeves will not appear, but Patrick Swayze (or at least his character) is featured in the script.

~ “Dances With Wolves” will get a sequel – without star/director Kevin Coster.  Viggo Mortensen steps in to fill the lead role Costner played (why, Viggo?  Just call up Cronenberg and put a few more projects with him in development, will ya?).

Next summer I bet we get “Mitchell 2,” starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Mitchell, with Joe Don Baker making a sweet cameo as Mitchell’s drunken, odiferous father.  It takes a rare confluence of terrible events to make me say this, Diane, but I almost wish the Screen Actors Guild WOULD go on strike.  Would I sacrifice half of next season of “Lost” to make “Donnie Darko 2” go away?  I just might.

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2 Responses to Help me, doc, I’ve got a bad case of sequelitis!

  1. themcp says:

    MITCHELL

    obviously, you made up this entire post. nobody would ever do these things.

  2. beetqueen says:

    Sorry, can’t agree to give up another season of Lost. I can always boycott the movie theaters…heck, I don’t get to go much anyway with the little one. But since that means I’m stuck at home a lot more, I want my good TV. I need something to make me forget about dancing with America’s next top idol.

    I do agree with your disdain though. These movies/directors/actors and patrons deserve to be spat upon. And I hate spit.

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