I won’t hold back on you: it’s “Nightmare on Elm Street.”
(And now we’ll take a brief pause while you groan, collect yourself, then groan again – a really long, loud grooooaaaaannn that startles your coworkers and makes them ask things like, “Are those Applebee’s fries not sitting well? Because I feel a little funny too!” And then you’ll say, “I never eat at Applebee’s. I don’t know what you’re talking about. In fact, I don’t know who you are… or who I am!” And then the “Twilight Zone” music will play while you stare at each other.)
Yes, in their infinite wisdom, Hollywood has decided to remake the horror semi-classic, and possibly without Robert Englund (casting has not been announced yet). My guess for what this movie will be like is this: you’ll never get a clear look at Freddy, because he’ll be concealed by quick-cut editing, lots of overexposure and color saturation tricks, and old-fashioned darkness. When he does appear in the occasional half-second shot, his face will be CGI. And throughout the movie he’ll be stalking Jessica Biel’s buttocks.
I almost look forward to this. It should be almost good. And by that I mean, completely bad and not worth the time it takes to absorb it with your eyeballs.