Words and phrases that sound like desserts

1.  élan (e.g. “That élan is delicious and creamy.  …No?  What IS it called then?”)

2. chock-a-block (e.g. “Give me the Super Fudgy Chock-A-Block, I am tired of these pants fitting”)

3. curmudgeon (e.g. “One bearclaw and one curmudgeon, please”)

4. declare (e.g. “This declare is dexcellent”)

5. pi (e.g. “Mmmmm… pi”)

6. Snooki (e.g. “I’m gonna have just one more Snooki, and that’s The Situation”)

7. balaclava (e.g. “You can’t wear balaclava, it would make your hair sticky”)

8. wingko (e.g. “Wingko is a real dessert, you American moran“)

9. Tripleberry Nougat-Blasted Garden Weasel (e.g. “This list should have ended before you started making shit up”)

Teacher… mother… secret lover

Does TV make you stupid? Or does a couple fancy degrees make you more likely to lie to survey-takers about how much TV you watch?  The world may never know.

Did I just gain respect for Jimmy Kimmel..?

This site has a bunch of recent late night clips about the Leno/Conan flap.  Now, I am not a late night viewer.  My evening routine usually consists of clearing some things off the DVR (last night it was several episodes of “The Venture Bros.” and the entire NBC Thursday night slate), maybe playing some XBox, maybe surfing the internet, and in bed by 11ish to read or watch an episode of a show I’ve seen in its entirety 10+ times (“Seinfeld,” “Corner Gas”).  I occasionally will tune in for some “Daily Show” and “Colbert,” but I don’t care for the monologues+interviews+bad skits thing, as practiced by most any show with the word “Late” and/or “Night” and/or “Tonight” in the title.  That’s just me.

However, I do keep up with entertainment news, and I am in a general sense familiar with these gentlemen who have the name and chin, respectively, of my favorite Austrian-accented barbarian warrior.  And I’ve seen enough of both of their shows to feel comfortable saying that Leno is an unfunny hack, and Conan is not; and if I were going to choose one of them to continue running a long-time network cornerstone and ratings titan like “The Tonight Show,” it’d be the saucy redhead.  Then again, if it was up to me I’d shut down Subway in its entirety and transform every location to a combination Yats and Moe’s, but that apparently isn’t what America wants.  Network executives and pablum-masters like Leno are better at calculating the country’s entertainment needs than I am.  So I should probably keep my mouth shut and say that despite failing by any measure of actual worth as a comedian, and despite the fact that everybody paying attention to this mess now knows for sure that he is a huge dick, Leno will get better ratings than Conan when he re-assumes the mantle of “The Tonight Show,” and that will be that.  Commercial success triumphs, and bully for capitalism.

Well Jimmy Kimmel, of all people, isn’t taking it sitting down.  Watch the second clip on this page (same link that began this rant) and enjoy the uncomfortableness of Kimmel eviscerating Leno on his own show.  It’s just a shame so few people were watching it.

Dexter has (had?) cancer

Well that explains the weird shaved head look Hall was rocking in the post-finale wrap-up with John Lithgow.  Thankfully he’s recovering and it’s in remission – regardless of one’s feelings about the show, Hall is a really good actor.  I want to see what he does next, and after that, and etc., ideally for years to come.

Iron Man 2 trailer

The Onion AV Club has the hook-up.  Here’s what I think: Mickey Rourke’s costume still looks kind of goofy but damned if he isn’t terrifying anyway.  And having just seen “The Wrestler,” I’m primed to root for the guy.  Scarlett Jo – unsure about her involvement, but there’s no denying that she is the right person to wrap in skin-tight leather and have slinking around.  And the trailer has a promising edge to it, while still retaining the elements that made the first movie a big success – AC/DC?  Check.  Sabbath?  Check.  Downey Jr. being a wiseacre?  Tripe check.

Alright, I’m in.

Bad Lieutenant “remake” trailer

Here it is. (Click on “trailer” to see the trailer – by default it loads a clip of the movie, rather than the full trailer.)

I am late on this because I’ve been trying to pretend it isn’t happening.  I mean – one of my favorite directors (Werner Herzog) does a remake of an unpleasant movie starring one of Hollywood’s most unreliable actors (Nic Cage) who is almost always in crap especially of late and also Xzibit is in there for some reason?  What the holy fuck is that?

But then I read two things: 1. The movie isn’t a remake or even a sequel, but rather an unrelated story with some barely-connected narrative concerns (yes, Cage does play a police lieutenant of questionable moral fiber); 2. Cage’s performance is being compared – favorably – with the insanity of Klaus Kinski in his prime.  So I had to go watch the trailer.  Twice.  And now I know that the number of times I will see this movie on opening day is one of these:

A. one time

B. half or less of a time

C. five or six times.

But there ain’t no zero on that list, Diane.  Y’all better know dat.

Art from beyond the 5th dimension

I don’t usually post my visual art here, but I like this piece and this animation, so yeah.  Yesterday I did a piece of cover art for a death metal band’s concept album about the Lovecraft story, “At the Mountains of Madness.”  (Yes I know, I am a huge nerd.)  This animation represents the four main stages the piece went through: 1. rough sketch to get the composition down (what is this place? where is the huge monster? where do I put the tentacles, and how many of them?); 2. pencil and pen drawing (look, shit is all shaded and realistic-y now!); 3. first layer of digitally-added color (the basic hues are there but it’s flat like a comic book); and 4. the finished thing (darker! wetter! more abhorrent to the bounds of sanity!).  Anyhoo, here it is – or click for a slightly larger version.

Cover art for Cosmic Atrophy

Is this offensive?

My good liberal sensors might just be poorly calibrated, but doesn’t this seem kind of offensive?  From emusic.com’s listing of an obscure reggae album by Bigga Haitian:

The correct title is right there, emusic.  Binghi MAN.  Mr. Haitian may spell his first (er, nick-) name “Bigga,” but he doesn’t always have to type with a extremely cliched Jah-may-kon accent.

(By the way, this album is good.  Recommended, mon!)

Halloween playlist

Some obscure music for you this Halloween season, Diane:

Rose Kemp, “The Unholy.” Good lord, Ms. Kemp can sing.  And this song is creepy, eerie, yet gorgeous as all get out.  (Sorry about the “butt art” – people who make YouTube videos are weird.)

Fred Myrow, “Phantasm Theme.” Wouldn’t be Halloween without a spooky horror theme from the 80s; this is one of my favorites that isn’t the overplayed (but still classic) John Carpenter stuff.

Roky Erickson, “Two Headed Dog.” Roky was a nut who spent time in a mental institution, and wrote songs about demons and zombies and two-headed dogs.  And a lot of his stuff sounded like this: completely perfect rock ‘n roll.  (Albums like this are why I have emusic; occasionally you unearth a real gem.)

The Devil’s Blood “The Heavens Cry Out for the Devil’s Blood.” In an alternate universe, Heart and Iron Maiden formed a supergroup that sounded like this.  Weird band – too weird (and diabolical) to get any mainstream love, but their songs are amazingly catchy.

Fantomas, “Rosemary’s Baby.” On the “Director’s Cut” album, Mike Patton’s crew of weirdos in Fantomas did a bunch of horror soundtrack covers.  This is one of my favorites.

Aghast, “Enter the Hall of Ice.” A pioneering “dark ambient” album from the wives of famous Norwegian black metallers.  If you like spooky ambient stuff, don’t let the description keep you away – this is truly good, honestly disturbing music.

And finally, no Halloween music post would be complete without this slice of terror:

Remake on Elm Street

Here’s the new “Nightmare on Elm Street” trailer.

Though I’m on record as hating the idea of, and avoiding spending one red cent on, basically every horror remake ever with just a couple of exceptions* – I think this looks kind of/maybe/hopefully/for the love of jeebus… decent?  I like that they’re not playing up Freddy’s wisecracking to the detriment of his scariness (a mistake made by the majority of the original series).  I like the iconic shots of the little girls and the claw in the bathtub.  I like the casting of “Watchmen” freak Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy – not only is he a good and scary actor, but his name actually sounds like it belongs to a serial killer.  And I like that there’s no Jessica Biel, Megan Fox, or the next one of those actressbots to roll off the assembly line.  This could be OK.  Time will tell.

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* Carpenter’s version of “The Thing”; the 70s “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”